Show More Than Tell: The 48 Laws of Peace

No. 9. Lead by example and lecture only when necessary

Bread is the product of behavior, not of thought or belief.
—Spencer Heath, from Economics and the Spiritual Life of Free Men

“Come, Mr. Frodo!” he cried. “I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you and it as well.”
—Samwise Gamgee, from The Lord of the Rings

When we think about the most influential figures in our lives—whether a parent, mentor, or neighbor—what’s most salient is not so much what they ever said. The parent showed patience and restraint but firmly guarded the boundaries of right and wrong. The mentor worked hard and did good work, then occasionally invited you to join him in analyzing how he could improve. The neighbor brought you garden vegetables, with no expectation of reciprocity, or left a covered dish when she learned of a death in your family.

Consciously or not, they embodied the mantra: show more than tell.

I am aware of the irony. I suppose I could upload thousands of hours of video, most of which would be me stumbling about as a spouse, parent, or friend. Then, I could cut together some bright spots and post the results on TikTok or YouTube, accompanied by a finger waggle or Tony Robbins pep talk. But opportunity costs abound, and my life ain’t that interesting.

But that doesn’t mean I have an excuse not to heed my own words. I’ve got kids. So, I hope you’ll permit me, Dear Reader, to offer a gentle reminder to practice more—and let me off the hook for my apparent contradictions.

Right action models behavior and helps us reorder the world for the better, which words alone can never do. A coach can spend hours lecturing on the importance of discipline, but seeing that the coach is the first to arrive (and the last to leave) at the practice court drives the lesson home. A player can read the coach’s playbook a hundred times, but practice wins games.

In the domain of morality, show more than tell is woefully underappreciated.