Surround Yourself With Light: The 48 Laws of Peace

No. 10. Let's say you really are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Embrace the cliche and find your light circle.

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

It’s painfully cliche at this point. But like stereotypes, cliches sometimes exist for a reason. In the quest for personal development, the company we keep shapes us powerfully—for better or worse.

For example, if I seem half bitter and agitated, half nostalgic and soulful, it’s because I have three kids. So, I guess that leaves two other adult influences to catapult me to Buffet’s success or Gandalf’s wisdom—neither of which will be sufficient.

Did I mention I have three kids?

Surround yourself with light is about mindfully curating those you bring closest to you—within reason. Curate:

• Social circles to align with those who are uplifting and constructive;

• Media consumption to sharpen your wit and bring you inspiration;

• Mentoring relationships that will challenge you to grow rather than stagnate.

One thing that’s always worried me about this 48 Laws of Peace series is that it risks coming across as a self-help pabulum. God help me if I hear one more mention of “vulnerability.” Just as Robert Greene has cornered the market on Machiavellianism, Brene Brown has cornered the market on authentic sharing.

But I get it.

We’re social creatures. We thrive on interaction, collaboration, and community. And we need to be loved. So, I wanted to do this series to avoid either Chicken Soup for the Midwit Soul or Better Office Backbiting from Cluster-B Strategists.

At least both tropes acknowledge that negative interactions can poison your day. In turn, such interactions may cause you to poison another’s day. When it happens repeatedly, negative chain reactions mean you might become someone others wish to avoid—and not even realize it.

The goal is not just to surround yourself with ennobling people. You should try to become part of others’ chosen five because they can see that light in you, which means you gotta radiate to be among the light-bringers.

Constructive people encourage you to stretch your limits, challenge your beliefs, and support your ambitions—illuminating a path to your aspirational self in a continuous process of becoming. They’re not going to bullshit you or puff you up if you don’t deserve it. Instead, they will help the process of your psycho-spiritual annealment.

But how do we find these beacons of positivity?