Freedom is Feminine

One of the four forces is rising to bring needed balance

Photo by Ogla Bast

Of living things, my son, some are made friends with fire, and some with water, some with air, and some with earth, and some with two or three of these, and some with all.
- Isis, from Hermes Trismegistus

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
- Frank Herbert, from Dune

Masculinity and femininity are abstractions, but they are not merely social constructs. They are properties woven into the complicated facts of an evolved species whose biology we don’t fully understand. Yet we know enough.

If play instincts offer a trial run of adulthood, evolution has distinct ideas about what kinds of things men and women will do, whether we like it or not. One need only observe a group of toddler girls and boys playing together in a room full of toys. The boys, on average, will be more likely to build it up and tear it down. The girls, on average, will be more likely to wait for their turns and select soft, cuddly toys. Boys are more likely to push others aside to get to a machine-like toy, and girls are more likely to take an interest in people and faces. 

Even a cursory view of history reveals which sex is most likely to start a war or attempt to reign supreme by dominating others. Of course, history is also replete with tales of clever women manipulating powerful men. Still, if we were to throw a statistician’s stone into a crowd, we are far more likely to hit a plunderer, fighter, or megalomaniac who is male. 

These proclivities can be enhanced or muted in the face of fear. Whether we are afraid of disease, scarcity, or death—our human energies roil within us as evolutionary strategies. Our job is not to deny these energies but to master them. 

Genetics, endocrinology, and neurology make men more likely to possess fuck-fight-force dispositions, so we associate masculinity with the properties of this physiological substrate. Likewise, we associate femininity with women for reasons that wayward postmodernists cannot simply deconstruct. Not only are women more likely to be empathic, but their primary disposition set is flirt-fawn-facilitate. Such energy has a physiological substrate.

Masculinity: fuck-fight-force

Femininity: flirt-fawn-facilitate

If one had to sum up masculinity in a word, it would be forcefulness. If one had to sum up femininity in a word, it would be flow. It’s no accident that these correspond to compulsion and persuasion. Without instantiation mediums, though, force and flow are but abstractions. So we have to consider masculine and feminine in the context of living beings who organize themselves in various ways according to their behaviors. Of course, both dispositions live in men and women alike, to varying degrees. As Carl Jung reminds us, like yin yang, we are vessels for the animus and the anima. 

Admittedly, the empirics of masculine and feminine are a couple of inferential steps away from our postulated energies, which we speak of in largely metaphorical terms. Far from dismissing these patterns, which originate in our biological natures, we must confront them as we would any other reality. Our reference to energies, and later “forces,” is designed as a helpful heuristic at this level of description. Otherwise, this article would become a tortuous research program. We must leave that to scientists. For now, a matrix of metaphors will have to do.

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Now, let's turn to another duality of energies Sigmund Freud introduced that is intimately related. Modern psychologists, especially neuroscientists, are skeptical of Freud’s ideas, despite his status as the father of psychoanalysis. Yet, virtually everyone acknowledges the existence of constructive and destructive psychological states, which is enough for our purposes. 

To wit, Freud offers Eros and Thanatos, which he explains are not strict, separate binaries but move together in the dance of our existence. 

Eros drives us to live, to create, and to procreate. We exert ourselves through passion, or we give of ourselves through nurturing. Eros can take the form of ambition or yearning, but what we long for is a genesis. Creation. It is the wellspring of anticipation, as early Spring. 

Thanatos, on the other hand, is the death drive. We seek to dissolve, to destroy, or to die. And though Thanatos can take an aggressive or a depressive form, we long for a terminus. Destruction. It is, as in late Fall, the expectation of absence. 

Even though he was mistaken about a great many things, let's assume Freud was mainly correct about this duality. Draw a line in your mind that goes from Eros to Thanatos, which you can also call generative to destructive. An x-axis. Now, imagine another dimension, a y-axis of energies, which goes from masculine to feminine. The point is that human beings have the drive to create and the drive to destroy, and we are bundles of masculine and feminine energies. What happens when we combine them?

We arrive at the Four Forces.

Now we have a two-by-two matrix with four quadrants. Or, more simply, Eros and Thanatos each have dual aspects, which are masculine and feminine. 

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1. Eros Masculine

Eros Masculine is the urge to control. If things aren't going your way, you must make them go your way. It's the way of force. It's the way of rock and iron, which can be used to defend the weak, jail the criminal, and build where there had been nothing. Eros Masculine involves competition and sometimes coercion. It can be forceful, but ultimately it wants to be foundational, stubborn, or stable.

Have we run out of space in the city? Let's build something tall, like a phallus, right into the sky. Think yours is tall? Mine will be taller. Make it so.

Earth represents the Eros Masculine. This symbol, an ancient element found in many cultures, calls to mind Chi in the Japanese philosophy godai, and Chi suggests solidity. So the Eros Masculine manifests in forceful but generative behaviors, but it can also manifest as strength in controlling others, whether in the interests of order, stability, or outright suppression. 

Exert control.

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2. Thanatos Masculine

Thanatos Masculine is the urge to annihilate. If things aren't going your way, you must destroy what is in the way. This is the path of naked aggression. It's the way of fire. The fire warms our camp within the circle of stones, but we endanger the camp if we remove the stones. Thanatos Masculine scorches the earth.

Their way of life is at odds with ours. They are the enemy. Bring fire down upon their village.

Thanatos Masculine can be a white-hot rage that takes us to war or, at home, a passion that threatens even those we love. 

Ka, the fire symbol in godai, represents combustion or a rapid energy release state change, such as an explosion. Similarly, we can symbolize Thanatos Masculine with fire, which is easy to associate with destruction and war. The fire need not be that of a literal war between peoples. It can also manifest in immediately, perhaps rashly, firing someone from his job or ending a relationship with words that make reconciliation impossible. Thanatos Masculine is about destruction. 

Burn it down. End it now.

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3. Eros Feminine

Eros Feminine is the urge to flow. If things aren't going your way, it's okay if they go another way, or maybe they'll come around to your way in time. It's the way of persuasion and persistence, and it’s the way of water. 

Sui, the water symbol in godai, represents liquid. In markets, liquidity refers to the ease with which an asset or security can be converted into something else without affecting its price. Otherwise, liquid coheres but is flexible. It morphs and changes despite obstructions, like a stream around pebbles and boulders alike.

In nature, almost everything flows in a vascular fashion. River basins, circulatory systems, and the roots and branches of trees all express this phenomenon. Call it the Law of Flow, following physicist Adrian Bejan:

“For a finite-size flow system to persist in time (to live) it must evolve such that it provides greater and greater access to the currents that flow through it.”

The earth’s surface is seventy percent water, just as our bodies are seventy percent water. As the moon tugs the tides, we are but complex extensions of life's flows. Eros Feminine facilitates, perhaps as a fluid that lubricates the necessary parts. It fawns, nurtures, and tames. Eros Feminine is about care and especially about persuasion. This concept is vital to understanding living systems and indeed to decentralization.

Let it flow.

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4. Thanatos Feminine

Thanatos Feminine is the urge to rest. If things aren't going your way, just go to sleep or stay in bed. It's the way of withdrawal, and it’s the way of the night. At night we sleep to recover from the day, but our final rest is in death. Melancholy wraps us in times of sorrow as we grapple with loss or grief. Thanatos Feminine reminds us that all good things must come to an end. 

Fu, the wind, symbolizes vapor or air in godai. Likewise, we use the element air to symbolize Thanatos Feminine. Morbidly, one usually learns of death from the air first, as the dead decompose. We also associate air with absence, yet it is never wholly absent. Air aspires to absence, and the very word ‘aspire’ derives from the Old French aspirer “to inspire; breathe, breathe on." Sometimes headwinds push against us as we struggle forward on a journey. Tailwinds can propel us to a voyage’s end. A single audible out-breath can mark the end of a day. And a sigh can mark the end of a conversation.

Breath is associated with life, too, for without it, we would die. But when we expire -- which is to breathe out -- it reminds us of death’s inevitability. So the breath of life implies the breath of death or expiration. In this way, maybe we can become more comfortable with the cyclical nature of existence. 

Otherwise, Thanatos Feminine is sleepiness after a weary struggle or the weight of depression’s torpor. It weakens us but calls us to lie down. Thanatos Feminine is about endings. 

Good night, my love. Let things go.

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Imbalance

Again, the tendency is for men to be motivated primarily by masculine energy and women to be motivated by feminine energy. But both energies are present in each of us by degree, expressed through our drives to create and destroy. When we fail to confront our fears with calm reflection, we allow the Four Forces to get out of balance. 

The wise seek to bring the Four Forces into balance, recognizing that all such energies have healthy and unhealthy expressions. The Decentralist seeks systems that allow participants to strike a healthy balance.

A healthy home, then, is one in which the couple strives to become like the Hindu god Ardhanarishvara, the unified manifestation of Shiva and his consort Parvatimale. This being is both male and female. Likewise, a healthy society balances those self-same energies. 

And yet another manifestation of Parvati is Kali, the goddess of time, death, and endings. Lord Shiva shows up from time to time as the destroyer. The cycles of beginnings and endings will turn in the fullness of time, just as surely as the sun will set on the centralized order.

These Four Forces affect human behaviors, which give rise to our human systems. In other words, these forces become instantiated in our cultural outlook, our institutions, or in the invisible patterns of life that comprise our social reality. 

The Four Forces are paired with their associated symbols and imperatives.

• Eros Masculine - (earth) - Exert control.

• Thanatos Masculine - (fire) - End it now.

• Eros Feminine - (water) - Let things flow.

• Thanatos Feminine - (air) - Let things go.

Each quadrant in this matrix of human energies and drives has healthy and unhealthy expressions. It’s not merely that imbalances among the Four Forces can predominate, but we can manifest unhealthy aspects of each Force. Imbalance means an excess of one or more forces, and an unhealthy manifestation can be applying a Force where it doesn’t belong. 

It can be tempting, for example, to upbraid a new colleague sternly as if that will offer the appropriate corrective. Rather than being corrected, she might come to feel defeated and demeaned, which is not likely to enhance her performance. Instead, maybe we can anticipate her beginner’s mistakes and provide room for her to grow in her new role. In this case, we might choose to let things flow and let things go until the colleague learns.

Each quadrant in this matrix of human energies and drives has healthy and unhealthy expressions. It’s not merely that imbalances among the Four Forces can predominate, but we can manifest unhealthy aspects of each Force. Imbalance means an excess of one or more forces, and an unhealthy manifestation can be applying a Force where it doesn’t belong. 

It can be tempting, for example, to upbraid a new colleague sternly as if that will offer the appropriate corrective. Rather than being corrected, she might come to feel defeated and demeaned, which is not likely to enhance her performance. Instead, maybe we can anticipate her beginner’s mistakes and provide room for her to grow in her new role. In this case, we might choose mostly to let things flow and let things go until the colleague learns.

Consider some examples of the Four Forces in healthy and unhealthy expressions:

• Eros Masculine

  • Unhealthy: An overbearing boss who barks orders or micromanages. 

  • Healthy: An inspiring coach who leads a team to victory.
    

• Thanatos Masculine 

  • Unhealthy: A dictator who assassinates his political rivals.

  • Healthy: A person who quickly ends a dangerous relationship. 

• Eros Feminine 

  • Unhealthy: A person who indulges irresponsibly or to excess.

  • Healthy: A parent who lets her child try things and learn from mistakes.
    

• Thanatos Feminine 

  • Unhealthy: An entrepreneur who gives up on her venture prematurely.

  • Healthy: A aged grandparent who leaves a do not resuscitate order in hospice.

I write this at the cusp of the Age of Complexity. At this stage, centralized systems must begin to give way to decentralized systems because centralized systems require controllers. 

In other words, the masculine must give way to the feminine. Society has become too complex for controllers to exert control, yet control is the essence of Centralism. Severe unintended consequences and information breakdown will become commonplace as authorities double down on the will to power. If they persist in clinging too tightly to the notion that control is possible, Decentralists will underthrow them. Otherwise, we might all be cast into a Dark Age.

Thus, we must teach ourselves how to relate to one another peacefully with less central control. 

Currently, though, the world is out of balance. Specifically, Eros and Thanatos Masculine suppress the flow systems of Eros Feminine and Thanatos Feminine. That means the urges to control and to annihilate are too strong. Those seeking to exert control or end it now would be better to let things flow and let things go. The trouble is that Centralism is irredeemably masculine.

Complexity is feminine. It’s no wonder all the undesigned ecologies of the planet have been referred to here and there as Mother Earth. 

The Age of Complexity will require us to embrace femininity. Paradoxically, a more orderly world will emerge with the rise of the feminine. Too many people are simply too afraid to let that happen just yet. But they will have to learn. 

Too many people imagine that disorder will follow without central control, though central control is the source of the disorder we’re beginning to see. Thus, excess masculinity drives too many human choices, which means too many people are willing to use or to accept authoritarian measures. After all, one is more likely to seek security in control when she is afraid. There is nothing wrong with the urge to control per se. We simply have to put it in its place. And that place is almost always local. 

We have to restore balance. We have to think in terms of flow.

Eros Feminine and Thanatos Feminine are a needed corrective in a world currently dominated by Masculine Forces. There is still a place for the Masculine in the rise of the Feminine. 

In developing technological means to collaborate and cooperate, we must eschew the desire to design and plan as if society were a machine run by a controller. Instead, we must create flow systems with flexibility and liquidity. While Eros Masculine is not good for a complex system, it can be suitable for protocol design. The logical bases of computer code have a certain masculine quality, a forcefulness, that allows complexity to emerge. In other words, if the foundational rules are simple, logical, and stable — if x then y — they are more likely to give rise to systems that flow more readily. Here, the masculine enables the feminine.

Healthy feminine enables the masculine, too, of course. Not only do most people thrive with a partner who cares for, nurtures, and believes in them — Eros Feminine — the organic patterns of living systems demand periods of rest and reflection that Thanatos Feminine embraces. 

Indeed, it’s easy to forget that Thanatos has healthy expressions, too, in both its Masculine and Feminine variants. Death. Ending. Absence. In polite company, it can be taboo to suggest such things. Few people, for example, have a healthy view of death. Most people feel ashamed when they secretly wish a severely demented parent would pass on. At some level, they know they are caring for what amounts to a husk of a self, but they live in a society of heroic measures. In their hearts, they know there is little life here, but they endure the burdens. One wonders whether there is any dignity in this. 

Just as our current political class seems overcome with the urge to control others, a cultural elite also seeks to control the aging process. In some areas, people have so much plastic surgery they appear to be wearing masks. Some find this macabre. Others see it as a status symbol. At some fundamental level, both perspectives reveal an unhealthy relationship with aging. Instead of accepting age as a fact of life, many hide, warehouse, or sublimate it. 

Similarly, Thanatos gets expressed not in solemn rites or solid reasoning but rather in violent media that simulates killing and death. Even America’s memorial days are more about potato salad and forgetting than moments they take to honor the dead. Contrast this with Mexico’s Día de los Muertos, which manages to both venerate the dead and celebrate the living.

Though Thanatos is a kind of drive, we often seek to suppress or avoid it. The very thought of the end is depressing, and the very idea of ending oneself is positively morbid, even suicidal. But not all death is to be avoided. Not all endings are bad. There might be no contradiction between raging against the dying of the light while accepting the end when it’s near enough. Christians accept that Jesus had to die so that humanity could experience the living Christ and be saved. And in the Bhagavad Gita, Vishnu appears to Arjuna and offers a vision of the end that is also the start of another cycle.

In short, there can be good endings among the living and the dead. Think about someone leaving a company she is loyal to, but the work no longer fulfills her. Think about living with a terminal illness in great pain compared to suffering’s absence upon death or the sense of relief in knowing that a loved one no longer suffers. 

Even the most ambitious among us have learned to accept failure, which is healthy when we have done our best, but there is no way for a venture to continue. Yet too many cling to systems, relationships, or other arrangements well beyond their expiration date, usually out of obligation, tradition, or nostalgia.

Sometimes we have to find the courage to end something actively, even a life. It’s brave and probably good to have a suffering pet put down. That courage originates in Thanatos Masculine. Other times we must find the wisdom to let go. When a conscious decoupling is better for the children than staying together, this wisdom originates in Thanatos Feminine. 

In the moments before letting go, we can feel conflicted, which shows up as guilt, anxiety, or inner turmoil. But relief can flow over us once we let go, signifying a healthy close. Letting go isn’t always passive. It can be a conscious process to accept and adapt to changing circumstances. If we are to thrive in the Age of Complexity, we must train ourselves to be adaptable. And that begins with reckoning with the Four Forces in all of us. 

It takes discipline and practice to sit in a space away from anger, fear, or anxiety. These emotions can overwhelm us. Indeed, most of us treat ourselves to a steady diet of anger, fear, and anxiety simply by reading the news. Such keeps many of us in a state of imbalance. Our submission instinct can pull us to accept promises by the powerful to make those feelings go away. But they never go away. So, now we know we must confront our emotions and put them in their place. We must acclimate ourselves to operating in repose. Only here can we find balance.

It might seem strange, but learning to balance the Four Forces – first within, then out in the world – is the simplest and best path over time. Short-term acquiescence to imbalance almost always lures us into architecting Hell on Earth. 

The Tree of Liberty, said Jefferson, must be refreshed with the blood of patriots and tyrants. So Thanatos Masculine speaks to us in words like “Revolution!” As a man, I certainly identify with that revolutionary fire. But we are living in different times. Thanatos Feminine says let things go. What America has become is not something Jefferson would recognize. What is needed, then, is not violent resistance or overthrow, but for a people to hold hands as we step into the black waters of the river at night. Let it envelop us, cleanse us, and shed us of all this rage for order. 

Tomorrow we will be new.

This article is excerpted from The Decentralist.